Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
