I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
