Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
