Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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