soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
