I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
