It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
