Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
