i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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