apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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