i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
