Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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