Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
