My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
