In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
