If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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