the condom got lost in my hair
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
