My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You ruined the universe
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
