i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In America we eat man semen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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