a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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