The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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