I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
