he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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