Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
