I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize