i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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