i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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