i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
