Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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