I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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