Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Of course I have a pirate flag
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
