well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
