Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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