I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
