burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
