He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
