Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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