i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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