remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
