Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize