idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
