Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
