I am puke
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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