I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
