it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
