i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
