There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
