There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
