Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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