I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
