I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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