Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
