god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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