Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
