she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
