Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
