Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize