I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
