His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
