so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
