He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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