I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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