My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
