does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize