im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
