So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
