If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
