You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
