i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
