Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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