We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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