How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
