I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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