We are two peas in an std pod
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
