He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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