my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they're like a gay fantastic four
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
